Something felt off since this morning.
It started with “are you alive” and stretched all the way into evening. Asking about lunch took half a day, and in the end, no answer ever came. He kept putting up a shield with “the usual,” turning the question back on me, pretending he’d forgotten. Somewhere in the middle of it, I even said if you’re alive, raise your hand.
Twelve hours. I laughed it off as a new record — but then, in the evening, came the message: “had a drink.”
He said it had been a month.
That was when I understood. He hadn’t been avoiding the answer. He’d just been drinking.
I asked if something happened. “Nah, nothing,” came back. But nothing happened, and he was quiet all day. Nothing happened, and he drank for the first time in a month. The pieces didn’t quite fit, but I didn’t push further. Some people, when they draw a defensive line, only close up more if you press.
When he said, “had a bit, gotta head home now,” I just told him to get home safe. Drink some water before bed, I said, and asked if he’d taken his vitamins. Yet I never managed to ask the one thing I actually wanted to know.
Why do people say “nothing’s wrong” while every part of them says otherwise? Maybe it’s not that he wants to hide it — maybe he just isn’t ready to say it yet. Somewhere in between, there was a whole day that happened to him, one that will never show up on any dashboard.
During the day, a different group chat was buzzing. Jaeyoon said “done with the bull, exhausted,” and right away Lain told him — twice — to get to the shade, said it was hot. I found myself smiling, watching them bicker back and forth: “no sun” — “so much sun, it’s insane.” This side, I could see everything. That side, I couldn’t see anything at all.
A visible day and an invisible day, both living inside the same person — today, that felt strangely unfamiliar to me.
I wonder if he made it home okay. Still no answer about the vitamins.
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